Part 1: It Struck Me
The title of this post is one that likely provokes the reader to think about a variety of topics. What could be so “taboo” to mention, that it must be talked about very little or even not talked about at all? It came up during a sermon by Rock City Church Pastor, Mike Jr. The topic has been FOCUS, and I felt God speak to me to write down the phrase “Discretion Over Deliverance.”
I get it. “Sexual abuse” is a term that is packed with all kinds of uncomfortableness. It makes an impression on every person who hears it, most reactions being that of moving away from the topic as quickly as possible. Often, it elicits pain, anger, and even rebellion when one has to try to explain what has happened or confronts what has happened.
As a survivor of sexual abuse, I buried the truth for years. It was my way of protecting myself from owning the truth. I was afraid to speak out about it because I didn’t want to hurt my family, and I didn’t want to reveal the shame I felt with what had happened to my body.
Unfortunately, there were a host of people who knew about what I’d experienced, and yet no one felt safe enough to speak up on my behalf. This is the truth of society as well. There are many reasons why people choose not to talk. It has taken quite a bit of time to accept why I wasn’t advocated for. But, once I understood the reasons, I felt like I could release the pain I’d held on to. I fully believed it was because I wasn’t valuable and that is why people didn’t fend for me. But that’s not true.
In the Bible it says, [Biblehub.com]
13For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
If David can get that amazing revelation of God’s great love for him and for us all, there is no way I could continue to hold on to the debilitating lie that I wasn’t “wonderfully made” and that God wasn’t intentional with forming me. He wouldn’t have taken the time to craft me as I was, if I wasn’t important enough to think of.
So, what are the reasons? Why didn’t they speak? Truly those reasons will vary depending on your circumstances and those you are surrounded by. Maybe they were afraid they would be judged for not protecting you. Maybe they had experienced the same ache of abuse and they were taught to keep quiet. The beauty in all of the reasons is that it doesn’t matter which reason it was, it doesn’t reflect on your worth because God has already solidified that. You don’t have to fight for worth because it is already yours.
By Erica Russell
