A secret that sickens the soul is one that should be released…
I say that much more easily
Now that I have gotten to know the God that used His Light to set me free.
Smiles and laughter
Were a cover for my pain.
In a way, I was taught to bury it
And “it” would go away.
I tried performance.
Doing more “look at me” moments than I’d care to admit,
Because this was a way to feel good about myself
Because of what I hid.
Not a soul could tell
What I carried as I walked through the hallways at school.
I had practiced my pretending so well
That it had become a comfort place.
At least there, I could control what happened…
Wearing a persona so big,
Racking up awards, ribbons, certificates, medals.
All so I get some kind of glory.
Because this was a way to feel good about myself
Because of what I hid.
It’s taken some time,
And honestly it still is a very real battle today
But I can say,
I don’t have to fight it alone…
And the best thing is that I don’t have to pretend
I can be incredibly me,
Plain, and a little quirky and loud, me.
I did hide who I was supposed to be for such a long time
Because of what I hid,
I thought I had to in order to survive.
But no longer! I will live in the truth!
Because the TRUTH found me,
Or rather I realized the TRUTH was there all along.
And He, oh YES HE
Has given me a voice to speak
So I am free,
not paralyzed anymore by what I hid.
by Erica Russell
