As I open my eyes
I hope for something different on this day.
But, as I look around
It seems relief is so far away.
Time after time,
I try to forget.
But the memories
They circulate around and around
And don’t go away.
I want to talk to someone,
But I feel too ashamed.
Would they understand my experience?
Would they criticize what I did or did not do?
Keeping up the facade
Is getting more difficult by the day.
My strength to seem strong to others
Is causing me to personally dwindle away.
“It’s in the past, girl! Let it go”.
No matter how I repeat this to myself,
It doesn’t cause the reality to change.
I’m being honest,
I don’t see the silver lining right now.
Because the truth has got me drowning
And I am fiercely gripping for something to cling to.
“Relief!” I call. “Rescue me!!!”
“Depression and Anger”, I scream “Release Me!”
“Pain that’s causing unhealthy habits,” I holler out “You have to leave!”
And then a Voice joins my own,
More gentle among all the other chaotic things
“Peace be Still”, is all He says.
I think to myself “is He serious?
Does He think that’s all there is to calm these storms!”
But then I stop and listen. I notice that my circumstances don’t change immediately, but an unexplainable PEACE covers me.
And the internal battle falls away.
And it is still.
Then He speaks, “Give this to me and follow my lead. You don’t have to do this alone. Cry out to me, for I see your broken heart, and I will comfort you. This will not defeat you, because I’ve already won over it. Be still and listen. Trust me. I got you. I love you. I PROMISE.”
So I stand still…
by Erica Russell
