Speaking about the abuse was a pivotal turning point in my life.
I didn’t get therapy after going through sexual trauma. The truth is, getting therapy is something that can be sometimes looked at as a weakness or something shameful. It is truly unfortunate that people are being discouraged not to get the help and support they need to become a better human in the midst of adversity. It is truly shameful that abuse happens to begin with.
Nevertheless, my pain was buried deeply. I thought I was still functioning well but found that I processed that pain in very unhealthy ways. I acted out my pain. I isolated myself. I hated myself. I felt hopeless. I accepted anything that looked like any attention or love. I had no boundaries. I had no clue all of this was still going on. Then, one day I could no longer run from the truth. Everything came rushing back like an out-of-control tsunami and I was crushed. I cried. And prayed. And yelled. And cried, yelled, and prayed some more. Then, I listened and waited for God to show me what to do. That’s when God placed GRACE Group into my life.
For me, one of the most challenging parts of my healing journey was taking the first step to reach out to GRACE Group. So many things made me afraid. I didn’t want my family, friends, and others to feel offended or hurt by the truth. I didn’t want people mad at me. I had been told years to forget it happened and not to tell anyone. But, I also knew I was about to explode with being so overwhelmed by all that my mind was trying to process while facing my abuse for the first time. I was 30 years old and addressing over 9 years of sexual abuse trauma. It was tough.
In sharing my struggles with the people God sent to me, through GRACE Group, counselors, even a new group of praying women in a Prayer Circle, new breath was breathed into my depleted, hurting daily life. For the first time, I didn’t feel like something was wrong with me or that I was overreacting, or that I was wrong for telling what had happened to me. Most importantly, I learned that I am not what happened to me nor am I what I did through the processing of my pain. I am a Child of God. I am Wonderfully and Beautifully made. The enemy tried to kill, steal, and destroy my life BUT he DIDN’T WIN! God won and has taken what was meant for bad and turned it into good.
Had I not expressed this trauma, as painful as it has been, I would not have truly felt and understood the freedom and purpose God has for my life. I would have been trapped in a disgusting, lonely secret that would have taken away the full joy and purpose of my life.
So I speak, not because I am over every single aspect of what has happened to me, but because I now know the freedom that comes with bringing the darkness to the Light and releasing it to the Father. God gives support. He gives help and mercy in our time of need. He sends amazing people, almost like angels, to be vessels in His supporting us through these things. Don’t give up, sister. Don’t give up, brother. It is hard, but you are a conqueror and have the power over the lies and actions of the enemy. Don’t give up!
by Erica Russell
