Healing is a journey.
Truly a trip through a wilderness until we see the Father again.
Just like on any trip,
there will be smooth paths, steep paths
narrow roads, and wide open spaces.
All the changes on the journey seems a little unfair
because stability of the “joyful” parts of the trip
don’t seem to come into full focus
when you’ve been hurt.
Some days, I feel so strong,
so empowered, so covered in the presence of God;
and some days, like today,
I feel like the helpless little girl trapped in
the darkness of pain, where my light is but a dim flicker, if not completely out.
I wish it hadn’t happened to me!
I wish that I could have the innocence of my body and of my soul returned to me in an instance.
I feel like I am having to wade in the thoughts
of all the disgusting things that happened to my body.
I want to scream, and sometimes I do.
Maybe that will release the ache inside.
Maybe that will clear my head of the sick memories
that haunt me.
God, I know you see me
curled up in tears!
Weeping for what was taken!
But I know you can restore.
I know you can rebuild.
God, I am weak right now,
angry with the world.
Angry with all those who betrayed me,
and I can’t pick myself up to walk.
I need you to carry me right now!
I need you to carry me right now.
Because I can’t. I can’t carry me.
I am too weak to try. Too broken to try.
Too hurt to try.
I am in that “rough day.”
God, please come through with Your promise
when you said you would make the bad
turn out for good.
I will sit and wait.
I won’t try this alone.
I know this is just temporary and it won’t last forever…
But,
I need your help.
I need you to carry me right now.
by Erica Russell
