Being lost in who others say you are
is so lonely.
It separates you from
the closest Truth of your existence.
Letting the image of man’s ideas
instead of God’s image cover you
is so heavy.
Because it was never meant for you to carry…
It’s tiring! It’s tiring!
I got sick of trying.
For so long,
I was convinced that I had no worth
apart from my works; apart from my deeds.
Without them,
I felt incomplete and desolate.
A wasteland.
Because most of my life,
the works seemed to provide a spring of water
that made my dry land disappear.
What the works really were
was a temporary band aid
to cover a lifelong scar.
Fake and very much a shield to protect me from the crippling side effects of low self worth.
No, my deeds weren’t a spring…
they were a flood, drowning me little by little
rising higher and higher with every year
until I couldn’t breathe…
But finally
I GOT WOKE.
Quite literally and figuratively.
Now I am walking in the ME-ness
that God created all along.
No longer convinced
that making a name for myself
meant that this would be my legacy and that’s what my life would mean.
It’s about so much more…
God has a much more grand plan for creation, and He has a special part of the Body He has assigned just for me to do.
So I work to walk in my purpose for the glory of God and service to others
not so I can matter…
I already matter. I already have worth. I don’t have to prove to God I am worthy to be loved.
He loved me first and always will.
by Erica Russell
